


phantoms and friends

by SelflessAmbition



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Absolutely based on The Walking Dead, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, It is the apocalypse after all, M/M, Mild Gore, Neil and Katelyn with an unlikely friendship - just roll with it, Not Canon Compliant, Violence, purely self-indulgent, the foxes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:20:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23726719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SelflessAmbition/pseuds/SelflessAmbition
Summary: They moved silently, now. Phantoms, shadows, nothing at all. Sometimes he forgot what her face looked like, kinky curls, rosy-cheeks, brown eyes, but that was it. Sometimes Katelyn would cling to Neil for a few minutes and he would hate every moment. But hated it even more when she would inevitably let go. Now, they travelled with the dead instead of away.Wherein the outbreak of a zombie apocalypse leaves Neil fucking exhausted, I mean, really?
Relationships: Katelyn/Aaron Minyard, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Seth Gordon/Allison Reynolds/Renee Walker
Comments: 18
Kudos: 78





	1. all the roads that wind

**Author's Note:**

> Big, big, big thank you to my amazing, lovely, incredible beta, @Mercey over here and @m-ercey on tumblr!
> 
> Title inspired by Old Man Canyon's album "Phantoms and Friends".

Time, Neil thought, was a funny thing. There were days so packed with it, he thought he would never forget a second. There were days so barren he thought it might have stopped altogether. Some of them, he didn’t speak a word; most of them, he wouldn’t. It was easier in the beginning when all he had was himself. Neil was good at keeping himself alive, safe, intact, Neil was _not_ good at caring enough to do that for anyone else. But he was learning.

Katelyn O’Brien was the last person Neil Josten ever should have been friends with, regardless of the apocalypse. She was benevolent and attentive, everything Neil considered himself not to be, but he was learning. Her hair was darker than his, not that it mattered. She kept it up in a slick ponytail, a feeble recall to her old life, the one where she had been real. None of this was _real_ , that was one of the only things they could ever agree on. Eventually, they would wake up, this would be over, they would be safe. Neil knew better, but he liked the spark it lit behind her eyes, flickering but fanned.

If he really thought about it, Neil could recall a time before, but he didn’t like to do it much. When he thought about the past, he thought about his mother and if he could cease the loop of memories attached to her he would’ve. The problem with silence is that it can only last for so long, the problem with silence is that your mind leads you to terrible places. Katelyn’s terrible places always began and ended with her sister, that was when she had found Neil. It had been early on, he thought, but it was hard to know just how much time had passed. His hair was longer now, that was for sure. He’d heard her, crying, wailing, Neil didn’t have words for the despair caught in her throat. Everything told him to turn around, to walk the other way, but he didn’t. It was her sister, dead, almost. Neil hadn’t ever asked for her name, possibly he never would. If Katelyn looked back on it, which she habitually did, she would have called it the worst day of her life, so far.

He remembered the way Katelyn had dragged the body to safety but it was too late, even she could see that. Her sister had the same dark coiled hair, but Katelyn didn’t have the bite in her neck. It was a terrible thing but not the worst. She bled out slowly, Katelyn held her head in her arms as she did. She had hung over the body, begged, screamed, but it was no use and the herd was drawing nearer with every sound. She hadn’t startled when Neil picked his way over to her despite the cloying scent of death that came with his new identity. She just looked up at his masked face, an armour of rotting flesh. No dread, just anguish.

“She’s dead,” Katelyn said, her fingers still tangled in the walker’s hair.

“ _You’re_ not.”

Neil had shown her how to be like him, seen the same flame glance and threaten to snuff. He remembered the nights she spent crying, the way she would hold it in when the sun came up, sparing nobody but Neil. They moved silently, now. Phantoms, shadows, nothing at all. Sometimes he forgot what her face looked like, kinky curls, rosy-cheeks, brown eyes, but that was it. Sometimes Katelyn would cling to Neil for a few minutes and he would hate every moment. But hated it even more when Katelyn would inevitably let go. The way Neil felt towards Katelyn changed almost constantly. Now, they travelled _with_ the dead instead of away.

The ground was uneven in this part of the forest, stumps jutted from the earth, roots sprawled in front of them. Neil kept his eyes on the ground as the walkers tripped around him, the soil was damp from last night’s rainfall. He absently hoped Katelyn would remain upright; they had been walking for so long he couldn’t remember when the sun had risen. He looked up and found it slunk just below the pines, dusk was just beyond this ridge. Katelyn knew a lot about the wilderness around them which was useful but not enough for Neil to retain much of it.

It was nightfall when they smelt the fire and she wrapped her soiled hands around Neil’s arm. It was a bad idea, the worst idea, still Neil found himself following the scent. There was a small chance they were directing themselves into the course of a forest fire, but a greater chance that there were people. Neil’s stomach growled at the thought, people had food.

“I don’t know about this,” Katelyn’s voice was hoarse, had it been that long? Neil lifted his shoulders in a shrug. They were crouched in the boughs of a great oak tree. It’s thick, gangly limbs struck out in all directions; Katelyn placed her palm to it. “There has to be another way, we can’t just steal from them.”

“Why not?” Neil asked, the sound of his own voice surprising him. He knew from experience that she was giving him a look but the mask obscured enough of her face to make it easy to ignore. “Stay here,” he said, “I’ll do it myself.”

“And if you don’t come back?” Katelyn balled her fist against the bark of the oak. “What then?”

“Then you keep walking, it isn’t brain surgery.”

Katelyn huffed and peeked around the tree; they were entirely concealed but still she worried. “This is stupid.”

“Maybe,” Neil conceded. “But we have to try.” He shouldered off the rucksack they took turns carrying. Inside was a knife, a lighter, two thin blankets and what was left of the rations they’d looted from a convenient store a few weeks earlier. It was half a water bottle, one energy drink and half of a peanut butter chocolate bar. Katelyn had a jilted idea of justice that always rubbed Neil the wrong way. The way he saw it, everybody was just trying to stay afloat.

“Give me ten minutes,” Neil said, passing the bag to Katelyn. “Anything happens, you walk.”

“Nobody likes a martyr,” Katelyn took it anyway and pulled out the knife, Neil shook his head.

“I’m hungry,” he retorted before slinking around the trunk of the tree towards the camp. Katelyn said something, but Neil was already gone.

He could hear the firewood sizzle and crack, could practically taste whatever they were cooking over it. Neil crept through the trees towards them, it was a clear night and they’d chosen a good spot. It was elevated, a place the dead couldn’t get to easily or without being heard. There weren’t many of them, two, he thought. Neil grappled up a small rock formation before spreading himself evenly onto the ground, his breath bated. The rocks were cool against his skin, a welcome contrast to the heat around him. As the night rolled on it would get colder but until then, the breeze still clung to the sweet humidity. Neil took a moment to listen but there wasn’t much to account for. They were still, seated by the fire most likely.

From where he was flattened, he could see the fire, the flames spitting embers up, up, up. He scanned the campsite. Two people, as he’d expected. A man and a woman, their backs to where he lay, they tore something off a stick. Neil’s stomach growled and he shifted on the rocks, the hunger was the hardest to ignore. There were a few bags, nothing substantial but what he really wanted was their cooked food. He glanced back to the oak Katelyn sat behind, he trusted she would stay put and leave if she had to. It was simple. He would move slowly, carefully, and grab as many bags as he could carry without making running difficult. Neil didn’t bother thinking any further, once they started moving again it would be fine. He found that was something he appreciated in Katelyn, her ability to keep up with him.

Neil steeled his nerves, _get in, get out_ ; he pushed up from the rocks.

—

Andrew didn’t like to sit by the fire. He didn’t like the way the smoke always seemed to follow him no matter where he sat. He couldn’t think when it was billowing endlessly into his face, up his nose, into his eyes. Although, not thinking was probably the best idea he’d had in a while. Kevin poked the fire and the wood popped; Andrew tugged his jacket closer to his chest. He’d been with Kevin since the beginning, before the beginning. Renee Walker was a new but perhaps slightly appreciated addition.

The fire crackled and a rock to the left of Andrew shifted, he remained in his spot. There weren’t many silver-linings to the whole situation, although one of them was certainly ditching Aaron’s rotten girlfriend at the first sign of danger. She’d been on vacation visiting her sister and, with any luck, Andrew would never have to see her face again. The rocks shifted again and Andrew glanced back at the fire, their backs were turned to him. He tilted his head, up, up, up. You could see the stars this far out of the city, Andrew didn’t need to think about memorizing their formations, he just did. The amber glow of the fire splayed shadows this way and that, expansive, monstrous shadows. 

This time, when the sound came from the left, Andrew grabbed what was closest to him and collided with the roamer. What was closest happened to be a fairly dense branch they were slowly picking away at for firewood. It was dry and solid, he used it to shove the thing back a few feet. They were hideous things, the roamers, their skin all but sliding off their bones, their wretched snarls. If Andrew thought too hard about the way they looked, the way they _smelled_ he might not ever be able to forget. The roamer made to retreat but Andrew jumped to action, wood slammed into the thing’s gut, hard enough to crush its lungs into its spine. The roamer crumpled to the ground in front of him, scrabbling at the earth as it tried to breathe. The whole ordeal struck Andrew as strange, but not strange enough to question.

“Andrew?” Kevin’s voice came from behind him, the two coming to stand at his side. Andrew looked down at the dead in disdain then tapped two fingers to his temple in salute.

“Better luck next time.” He picked the branch back up, over his head this time but before delivering the final blow, the corpse looked up.

“Fuck you,” it rumbled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, please bear with me, I still don't understand anything about this website, BUT @12am (on tumblr) really walked my whole ass through it, so, thank you, ily. 
> 
> If you'd like to come scream about how hot Allison Reynolds is going to be with a hatchet on tumblr, pls do @selflessambition8


	2. the world dies with the sunrise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the lovely comments, I hope you enjoy!
> 
> And thank you, again, Mercey <3 
> 
> Chapter title from Lord Huron's "Until the Night Turns"

Before the world went to shit, Andrew Minyard was sure of only a very few things. He was sure of his family, his disdain towards the general public, his own strength, or sometimes lack thereof. He was sure of the life he’d had, the one he had created for himself, despite everything.

Now, Andrew was sure of nothing.

No, that was a lie. Andrew was still sure of all those things; they just didn’t matter anymore. _Now_ , he was sure of the way napalm smelt, how substantial dead weight really was, and knew now how heavy hunger sat in his stomach. Andrew had lucked out by already being with three of the four people he would ever consider returning for. However, that was short-lived.

Their newest add-on was a girl named Renee; who was also suffering the consequences of short-term luck. They’d been separated, drawn apart, tricked. Andrew still didn’t know for sure. They had been together and then, it was just him and Kevin. He could still recall the perilous swoop his heart had given in to, mostly because he was still feeling it, impossibly. He’d made a promise, a deal and he intended to keep it. That was proving to be much harder with such distance between them.

He couldn’t remember who had swung first, him or Renee. Kevin hadn’t been paying attention, searching heedlessly for any sign of the other two in an empty courtyard. Andrew couldn’t find it in himself to regret drawing his knives on Renee, mostly because she had been prepared to strike too. They hadn’t run into many people, purposefully. Andrew had always known the real evils lay just below the surface; he didn’t need any more confirmation on the theory either. But Renee had been different, she was like him, he saw that clearly.

—

The world was dark for a few moments and Neil did his best to clamber out of it. When he finally made it up, the air he sucked in was dense with smoke. Neil inhaled so sharply he choked, and every cough stirred inside him an intense need for silence. 

He had been wrong, it was three. The two he’d seen before moved to stand above him, bracketing his assailant, _Andrew_. He held the branch high over his head and Neil braced himself, but it never came.

“Stop!” Katelyn shouted, clambering up the rocks where Neil had come from. He cast his arm out in a feeble attempt to stop her but instead, she threw herself down in front of Neil. “ _Please_ ,” she was crying, Andrew’s sneer deepened.

Neil had been stupid to believe she’d stay put; she was on her way to getting them both killed. The other girl dropped to her knees in front of Katelyn, Neil could see the look on her face. Her hair was a faded pink, cast orange by flames, her eyes were narrowed and almost completely black so far from the light. 

“Their faces,” she breathed but Katelyn wailed over her.

Andrew lowered his weapon but the other man didn’t, he kept a crossbow pointed at Neil’s head. Andrew moved to crouch inches away from him. When he raised his hand, Neil flinched violently and cursed his mother. Andrew tore Neil’s mask from his face and sneered in disgust as he turned it over in his hands. The thick, leathered skin slackened uselessly. Neil’s own skin burned, he wanted to run, needed to run.

“ _Kate_ ,” he hissed desperately but she hadn’t yet moved an inch.

“Please. You can’t hurt him.”

“I don’t like that word,” Andrew said.

“We won’t hurt you,” the girl reached for Katelyn and the men above shifted.

“Like hell,” said the taller one as he loaded a crossbow in one smooth motion. He rushed Neil and knocked him backwards, he felt the fire’s light spill across his face and he closed his eyes. “ _Nathaniel_?” The man demanded and when Neil looked at him, he pulled the trigger, sending an arrow with it.

Katelyn screamed and the night fell silent. Neil glanced up at Kevin Day, then at the arrow stuck brazenly into a tree trunk not too far from Neil’s head. There was no way, he had to wake up.

“You two know each other?” Andrew asked, savagely ripping the weapon from Kevin’s hands.

“We grew up together,” Kevin replied.

“How nice,” Renee said. Neil would have thought it to be sarcasm if the smile on her face was any more genuine. Kevin offered a hand down to Neil, and he took it. On his way up, Neil looped his hand under Katelyn’s arm and hoisted her up with him.

“You could’ve killed him,” she tore at her own mask, ripping it off her face and discarding it back to the earth.

Neil watched Andrew’s eyes rise to Katelyn, he slackened. “Oh, you have _got_ to be kidding me.”

“Oh, my god.” Katelyn gasped, her voice stupefied Neil for a moment. It had turned soft, watery. “ _Aaron_ , where’s Aaron? Is he alive?” Andrew didn’t say a word, he crouched next to the girl to poke at the mask, they wore matching looks of contempt but Neil couldn’t take his eyes off Kevin.

“What are you doing here?” Neil asked.

“I could ask you the same. Baltimore is a long way from here.” 

This made Neil flinch but Kevin had already turned and retreated back over to the fire; he didn’t hesitate before offering food to them.

“While this is all very touching,” Andrew said, grabbing the food from Neil’s hands. “Who the hell are you?” Andrew put himself between them, he was just shorter than Neil.

“Nathaniel?” Katelyn probed and Neil released his grip on her.

“It’s Neil now,” he told Kevin but the man between them hummed.

“Now?” Andrew pressed.

“Now,” Neil acquiesced.

“But not before?” There was a prolonged silence, Andrew wasn’t going to bully Neil into dumping his life story onto the dirt below their feet.

“Where’s Aaron?” This was Katelyn again; Neil hadn’t ever heard her speak of an Aaron.

“We were separated but he isn’t alone,” the pink-haired girl spoke up and Katelyn let out a sharp sound of relief. “Here,” she acquired the food back from Andrew and offered it again to Neil who took it. “I’m Renee.” She offered him her hand but instead Neil ripped off a piece of meat with his teeth. He stared Andrew down then passed it to Katelyn.

“Thank you.” Katelyn had better manners than he did. “I’m Katelyn. Separated how?” She spoke around the mouthfuls.

“It doesn’t matter,” Andrew insisted.

“Biters, lots of them. I lost my—” Renee paused, “friend in the panic but we have a relatively good idea of where they’ll all be. There’s only one building unlocked on that block and I can’t see Allison being reckless enough to smash a free entrance for the crowd.”

“All?” Neil inquired.

“Allison for me, Aaron and Nicky for them.” Renee gestured delicately with her chin.

“We found each other after the rumble.” Kevin crossed his arms. “We were lucky enough to make it out of there.”

Renee agreed, “it isn’t too far from here.” She glanced up at the sky. “If we start walking now, we’ll make it by sunrise.”

“We?” Andrew and Neil asked in unison.

—

Kevin, as it turned out, was just as petulant as Neil remembered him to be. It was a funny game he now found himself tiptoeing around. Some memories were fond, others laced in acid or tinted by his father’s ire. As they crashed through the forest, Neil was reminded of one winter in particular. The night was mild, still Neil’s chest rose and fell rapidly, the noise was almost unbearable.

As the sun rose behind them, it stretched the pines, slanting shadows across their backs. A fog hung low in the trees, inching through the undergrowth alongside the group. Beside him, Andrew shivered; Neil could see his breath. Katelyn and Renee spoke in hushed tones but the others were quiet, silent apart from the turbulent wreckage they cast along the forest floor. Dawn came swiftly at their heels, casting a layer of dew over every surface. Boots scuffed, buckles clicked, the sounds all so human, so _foreign_. Had this been a day earlier, had he and Katelyn been alone, there might not have been any sound at all.

As the tree line broke, the city came into view. It was a terrible, expansive thing. “The city,” Katelyn whispered, her voice splitting the peace.

“It’s so—” Neil didn’t finish. What was it so?

“Barren? Desolate? Apocalyptic?” Andrew offered in a bored tone.

“Haunted?” Kevin took the words from his mouth.

He took the crossbow off his shoulder and loaded it. Neil watched his hands, familiarly marred flesh. It had been a long time since Neil had experienced the _feeling_ of a city. But it was wrong, the roads were broken to bits, cars sat unoccupied, abandoned. It was _haunted_ in a way only things discarded by humans could be. Neil wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but this wasn’t it.

The five of them wound their way through the city streets and Neil found himself startling at any little sound. He couldn’t decide if the scape provided more or less coverage than the forest did, there wasn’t a walker in sight but that didn’t mean a thing. The wind whistled through letterboxes and tumbled with paper and garbage down the empty streets. The buildings stretched upward further than Neil was willing to look, light glinted off every surface and he wanted nothing more than the security of the mask tucked discreetly into his backpack.

“That’s it there.” Renee pointed to a building up ahead, the promised front window shattered. The only problem was the massive horde of dead that ambled around it. Kevin sighed.

“Well, this is just great,” Andrew remarked as they stopped a safe distance away from the action. 

Neil watched as Renee, Katelyn and Kevin surveyed the area, he wasn’t sure what they were looking for, so he didn’t pretend. He leaned against the building. Andrew eyed him for a moment before following suit. In the early morning light, Neil was finally able to get a good look at the man in front of him. He wore black from head-to-toe, from his scuffed worker boots up to the beanie that sat askew over his blonde hair. His eyes weren’t brown as Neil had first suspected but molten, hazel. 

“Now what?” Neil said, just to say something. Andrew’s gaze on him was cold, he did his best to ignore it.

“How the fuck should I know?” 

“Whatever,” Neil bit back. This made Andrew laugh, a bitter thing. Something tightened in his chest but Neil ignored that too. Andrew didn’t stop laughing though. Neil bristled, “can I help you?”

“I don’t know.” Andrew shrugged loosely. “Can you?” Neil scoffed and opened his mouth to speak but the others returned before he had a chance.

“It doesn’t look like there are any alternate entrances,” Kevin said. “Did you two find anything useful? No? Didn’t think so.” Kevin said without pausing for their nonexistent answers.

“They need a way out,” Renee provided. “It isn’t like we can just yell up to them.”

“Why not?” Andrew asked, that same lazy grin on his face.

Neil grimaced, shifting his weight as the others began to bicker. On one hand, the faster they did this, the faster he could leave. On the other hand, if they created more work for themselves Neil might be the only one left to pick up the pieces.

“What if we went in.” Neil had to repeat himself but once they’d all heard him, the arguments paused.

“Is that the best course of action?” Renee asked, not unkindly. Her pink hair was more washed out in the daylight, dark roots slipping down past her brow bone. “There are so many of them, we couldn’t possibly take them all out.”

Katelyn shook her head, meeting Neil’s eye. “We wouldn’t need to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the awesome comments!!<3


	3. the city winks its eye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Lord Huron's "When the Night is Over"

Kevin heaved as Katelyn ripped the blade through the walker’s stomach. It was gruesome, Neil had to give him that. Though, this wasn’t grisly murder, it was nothing. Neil thought that if he really tried, he might be able to find a part of himself that still cared. A part that still _felt_ something towards these lifeless things. But he was too afraid that he wouldn’t be able to find anything at all, so he didn’t. It hadn’t ever been Neil’s intention to become like this. So uncaring, cold, but he hadn’t had a choice and neither did this group. If they wanted to survive, they would have to get over it. 

Neil hazarded a glance towards Andrew, stone-faced but splintered. Neil mirrored him, crossing his arms from where he stood over the body, gripping the dead’s wallet. As Katelyn made a second cut, the stench finally hit them and Renee wrenched the wallet from his fist. 

She rifled through it and Neil realized too late that she was searching for his driver’s license. “Michael J. Williams,” as she read aloud, Neil studied her curiously. Renee saw it as a sacrifice, albeit involuntary. “Thank you.”

“Alright, enough,” Kevin choked from a few feet away, righting himself once again. “Let’s just get this over with.”

Katelyn grimaced from her knees beside Michael, guts splayed. “Ready when you are,” she said reluctantly.

Neil was the first to dive in, he could admit that this part had bothered him in the beginning, but now it was just part of the game. He dropped the backpack down by Kevin’s feet which made Kevin heave again then stuck his hands, unceremoniously, into the body. It was cool, which was somehow worse, he always expected it to be warm. 

“Kate, Kevin and I will—”

“Woah,” Kevin interrupted him weakly. “If you think I’m letting you encase me in roamer guts you seriously _have_ lost your mind, Nathaniel.”

“Neil.” Andrew corrected.

“Kate, Kevin and I will lead the herd that way.” Neil continued, gesturing with his soiled hand away from the direction they had come from. “That should give you two more than enough time to get inside.”

“And if it doesn’t?”

“It will,” Katelyn piped up. Neil had forgotten just how exhausting _people_ could be. “It’ll work, we do this all the time.”

“We’ll meet where we came in, one hour or we walk.” Andrew said, it sounded final and Neil knew better than to question it. 

He got back to work. Katelyn had done an exceptional job, given the dead’s size, one would be more than enough. Neil wiped the contents onto himself first, sparing no extra moment to think about the dead, _Michael_. Now that Neil knew his name it was hard to forget. He used his foul hand to beckon Kevin closer but when he made to step backwards, Andrew swept his leg into Kevin’s. He crumbled, hitting the asphalt on his knees.

“What the fuck?” Kevin protested but Andrew set a firm grip to the back of his neck. 

Neil smeared the guts over Kevin’s clothing with little remorse. Kevin gagged but didn’t otherwise resist, Neil thought that probably had a lot to do with Andrew’s grip on him. 

_Get in, get out_. Then he would be on his way. 

Next up was Katelyn, Neil worked what was left into her clothes and she held her breath. This was always her least favourite part, Neil couldn’t imagine anybody really _enjoying_ it. It was just that to Katelyn, these things would always be a little human. He almost envied her for it. 

Neil grabbed the backpack and found his mask, he put it on. He didn’t glance up to see their faces but the palpable silence told him that they probably weren’t reacting well to it. Kevin took quick breaths through his mouth at Neil’s side, doing his best to combat the scent. Neil situated the mask over his face before passing Katelyn hers but she declined. Perhaps she was feeling a little more human now, too. Neil wouldn’t fall privy to that though, he knew much better than to expect being welcomed with open arms. People didn’t just do that anymore, maybe, Neil thought they hadn’t ever done that to begin with. The familiar odour of his mask was just bearable, but that was after months of practice. 

Months. Years?

When he stood back up, Renee’s face had visibly changed. The mild expression he’d seen her wear for the past few hours had morphed into something twisted, mournful. Neil didn’t meet her eyes, instead he tossed the bag back onto his shoulders. 

“An hour,” he agreed, then turned to amble straight into the eye of the storm. 

—

It seemed to be working a lot better than Andrew had been anticipating. He was expecting one, maybe two of the roamers to follow them away, but they were breaking off in clumps. He watched Neil sway through the crowd with Kevin attached at his hip. Perhaps he shouldn’t have simply let Kevin out of his sight like this, but with Katelyn there Andrew didn’t think it was likely that she would be going anywhere without Aaron anytime soon. He found Neil to be distinctly untrustworthy. Maybe it was his blue eyes, cagey, unknowable. Whatever it was, the roamers followed him without a second thought. 

Andrew didn’t consider himself an individual so easily impressed but as he’d watched Neil splay guts over every inch of his body, he couldn’t help the gears from grinding. How _interesting_. Neil tossed a glance back over his shoulder and Andrew met it easily, he liked him better from afar. 

Renee readied herself at his side, fluffed out her bangs, long overgrown. “You’re sure about this?” 

“No,” Andrew surprised himself with that bout of honesty. The girl didn’t falter, also interesting.

“I’m not either,” Renee offered him a wary smile. “But I’ve got your back.”

Andrew eyed her but didn’t offer a response. “Let’s just get this over with.” 

Renee struck a small, metal cylinder against the building. It clinked as it hit the brick wall, exploding into a staff that Renee caught easily in her hand. They stalked forward, Andrew empty handed. 

Most of the roamers had vacated the front of the building, electing instead to follow dumbly along behind the other three. The few that remained Renee took out swiftly, Andrew didn't know much about the girl Renee was attempting to return to, but he thought it was rather obvious how she felt. Renee struck with grace, the grind of metal against the ground was almost enough to make Andrew shudder. She swiped with the staff, swiftly in an upward motion that swept the roamer off its rhythm. The staff plunged into its rotten brain and it fell to the ground, Andrew stepped over it. He climbed inside first, ducking to avoid the jagged glass. Andrew was careful to clutch his long jacket to his chest as he did so. He liked the jacket, it was all asymmetrical angles and extended, trailing material. The longest corner reached just below his knee. His boots crunched as he shifted his weight on the broken glass below them. The stairs were to their right, which seemed like the more obvious choice but Andrew was far more intrigued by the long corridor that broke off to the left. He stared down it until Renee had climbed in too.

“Dark,” she noted as if Andrew hadn’t already noticed that.

“No electricity.” He replied as if Renee hadn’t already either. Renee crouched, retrieving a page from the newspaper at their feet. She crumpled it up and used it to clean her staff of some questionably human material. Andrew scowled and made for the stairs, it looked like somebody had tried, and failed to barricade it. He shouldered the door open, it was much darker within the stairwell, not an ounce of sunlight pressing in. It was desolate but in the way stairwells usually were, industrial, functional. Renee took the stairs two at a time behind him, she was jittery, Andrew could practically taste her nerves. They passed the second floor, then the third. How high would they go? 

There were seven floors and he had no doubt they were at the top. By the time they reached the top floor, Andrew’s chest was heaving. He tossed a glance back at Renee, but her expression hadn’t changed. 

“Ready?” She asked, her small frame shuddered with every breath. Andrew tipped his head in affirmation then shoved the door to the floor open.

Everything was still.

They listened, for something, _anything_. A shuffle, a whisper, any sign of life. Nothing.

Andrew unsheathed his knife from the black armbands beneath his jacket, the tip grazing the material on its way out. Renee gripped her staff, half-soaked in the orange light pooling in from the window across the hall. It didn’t look like anybody had been here, much less recently. 

“Now what?” Her voice just barely covered the sound of footsteps approaching, Andrew whirled on his feet, slicing his blade out before being caught, impossibly, by his own face. The knife clattered uselessly to the ground.

“Renee!” Somebody cried, rushing out from behind. She jumped into her arms and they both fell to the ground.

“Andrew? Oh, my god. Am I dreaming?” Andrew tensed in advance, feeling his cousin, Nicky’s body collide with his a moment later. Nicky wrapped his arms around Andrew’s shoulder in a one-way hug, Andrew’s own limbs remaining stiff at his sides. 

Aaron bent to retrieve the knife, he pressed it back into his brother’s palm with heat. “Last line of defence, my ass.” 

Once released, Andrew put the knife away. He turned to where Renee was still on the floor. Pinned down by, who Andrew could only assume was Allison. 

She was blonde and even from the floor Andrew could tell she was at least a head taller than Renee. The reunion had turned both Allison and Nicky into weepy messes but the others didn’t comment. As the two girls began a soft conversation, Andrew righted his hood, shrugged a lighter out of his pocket and made his way back to the staircase. The lighter was bright yellow, a stark contrast to his all black attire. Andrew fished out a half-smushed box of cigarettes, only six remaining.

—

“What’s taking them so long?” Katelyn paced in front of where Kevin and Neil sat on the curb. She tore up dust with every revolution, Kevin batted at the air.

“Would you calm down?” 

“In and out, it was supposed to be quick.” She insisted, shielding her eyes from the ever-rising sun. “We won’t really leave them, will we?”

“If we have to—” Neil began, then promptly cut himself off at the mirrored looks he received. “Then why did you ask?”

The three of them had led the walkers about as far away as they could. Every few minutes Kevin would use his crossbow to shoot one dead before the other two had even noticed it. Everytime, Katelyn would flinch. Neil wasn’t sure when she had started viewing them as friends, but the idea was unnerving. That would get her killed.

Abruptly, Katelyn stopped her pacing. Neil had to squint against the sun to look up at her, she was perfectly still. Then, she was running.

“Kate,” Neil jumped up, but she was fast. 

He dashed after her, not offering a second thought to the backpack he was leaving behind. As they neared the building, Neil could see why she was running now and he slowed. The group emerged, significantly larger than when they entered. Andrew was in the lead, Neil could already smell the acrid scent of his cigarette. Andrew was quickly followed by a man much taller than him, and a man sharing his face. Neil knew that must’ve been his brother, Aaron but the knowledge didn’t stop him from doing a double take. They were, impossibly, identical. Behind them were the girls, practically coiled around each other. Kevin caught up to Neil then. 

“Next time, I’m leaving it.” He pushed the bag into Neil’s chest and shouldered past him towards the others. “Nicky,” Kevin slung his crossbow across his chest, offering the taller man a swift punch to the arm. Nicky’s only response was his arms looping around Kevin’s neck, enveloping him into a tight hug. Neil had to look away. 

He directed his gaze to Renee. The girl at her side was much taller than her, still she’d managed to wind herself around Renee. Allison, Neil recalled, had her arms thrown around Renee’s waist. He thought that would have made walking almost impossible. Allison was a honey blonde, her long hair rucked up into a knot on the top of her head. Neil watched as she whispered something in Renee’s ear.

He looked swiftly back to Katelyn who still stood, frozen a few feet in front of him. Her shoulders were shaking and Neil knew her too well to think she wouldn’t have been crying. The man with Andrew’s face, _Aaron_ , shoved past his brother to the forefront. Neil didn’t have the words to describe the emotions flitting over his face. Finally, Katelyn took a step forward and he dropped to his knees. She rushed him and Aaron threw his arms around her waist, taking her down with him. 

Andrew tsked then flicked his cigarette in Neil’s direction, “can’t we move on, already?”

“Give them some time, Andrew.” Nicky said, whistling wolfishly a moment later and wrecking the sentiment. He glanced up then, as if he was finally noticing Neil. “Who are you? Who is _that_? Where’d he come from?” He made his way over cautiously, as if he were unsure that Neil really was human.

“That’s Neil.” Andrew provided and Kevin frowned. Nicky circled Neil once, then twice and Neil tensed. 

“Jesus Christ.” He said pleasantly, “I thought you were a roamer.” He stuck his hand out, it was dirty but not nearly as bad as Neil’s own. “I’m Nicky. You’ve got nice eyes under all that filth.” Neil didn’t shake his hand, instead he shouldered the bag and closed the distance between himself and the group.

“Now what?” He directed at Andrew, but he only shrugged. “Kate,” Neil kicked the sole of her boot. “Get up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally!!!! Action!!!! I hope you enjoyed, thank you for the sweet comments!!<3


	4. back from the edge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another massive thank you for the comments and Mercey for editing<3
> 
> Chapter title from Lord Huron's "Back From the Edge"

Neil was having an admittedly hard time reconciling this Katelyn with the one he’d been running with over the past few months. The Katelyn he knew cried, but not like this. The Katelyn he knew was strong, she didn’t need protecting. Now, she practically hung off Aaron, Neil knew deep down that she wasn’t looking for that, but it sure did seem like it. 

He steered Katelyn away from Neil as they stalked through the city. Neil bringing up the rear, he hadn’t the patience—or people skills, frankly—to be anywhere else. Andrew led the group, five paces or so ahead. Neil could still smell his cigarette, he must’ve been smoking it down to nothing. He shuddered.

Renee, finally detaching herself from Allison, spoke. “We have a semi-permanent camp, down by the water. You’re all more than welcome to return with us.”

“Oh,” Allison sighed dreamily. “ _Water_.”

“That sounds amazing.” Nicky chimed in, tossing a glance in Andrew’s direction. “What do you think? It’s not like we have anything better to do.” 

Neil watched as Andrew flicked a bored look back to his brother. Whatever he was looking for, he found. “Whatever.”

“Neil?” Kate asked.

It startled him, so he didn’t respond. Slowly, every head turned back to look at him, save for the man at the front. He watched as Aaron tightened his arm around Katelyn’s waist.

“Who is he, anyway?”

“A friend,” she explained. Neil thought it was comical, the way Aaron narrowed his eyes as he took him in. But Neil Josten wasn’t an instigator, so he looked away. Allison was the closest to him, she tipped her head to the side, sizing him up. 

“Neil,” she said his name slowly. He didn’t meet her eye, and Kevin made a sharp sound of irritation. 

“Of course he’s coming. How do we get to the water from here?”

“We’ll need a car. Cars?” Allison said, finally shifting her attention from Neil and to their surroundings. 

The streets in the core were bare, Neil found himself in wonder by just how much nature had already taken back. As they walked along the empty city streets he had his eyes glued to the buildings around them, instead. Impossibly, everything still seemed so pristine. But below, on the ground, flora burst through the cracks in the sidewalk, wound its way up windows and empty doorways. Andrew’s voice cut through his thoughts.

“There were cars on the way in,” he said from over his shoulder. Andrew’s heavy boots scuffed on the asphalt, he kicked an empty can and sent it skittering across the vacant street. 

Aaron spoke up then, his tone all snark. “How much do you want to bet none of us know how to hotwire a car?” 

“I do,” said Allison, she regarded Aaron’s pinched expression. “What, like it’s hard?” Nicky cackled delightedly from his other side. 

Aaron rolled his eyes, “who the hell even are you?” 

“Allison Reynolds, duh.”

“Are we supposed to know who that is?” Kevin asked.

“My family owns this whole block,” Allison took a moment to point to a few skyscrapers around them. 

Katelyn tilted her head back, inspecting the buildings. “That doesn’t mean very much anymore, does it?” She looked back to Allison, her face reddening. “Just an observation,” Katelyn added swiftly.

“They disowned me before I could get any real compensation.”

“Compensation?” Nicky said, falling in-step beside Allison instead. 

“Oh, you would not _believe_ how much a good therapist costs.” 

This forced a startled chuckle from about half of the group. The other half remained stoic, predictably. Neil took this moment to glance around, there weren’t any cars on this block, which was strange. He and Katelyn mostly stuck to in-forest roaming, but when they were forced out of it, finding a car was almost always a given. They were abandoned on almost every road, but there was rarely anything of value in, or around them. The people who deserted them did so in desperation, nothing more. Gas was another quest in itself.

Andrew led them through the streets with practiced ease, he never paused. Not even as they neared a hoard gathered outside an old theatre across the street. There were only five, or six that Neil could see.

“Shouldn’t we do something about that?” Renee said, her voice soft, like she was asking about the weather, instead of reality.

“And then what?” Aaron asked, winding his arm more tightly around Katelyn’s waist. “If we do that, we’re giving them exactly what they want.”

Beside Neil, Allison scoffed. “What they _want_? They’re dead.” As if to prove this, she grabbed a few rocks from the ground and lobbed one at the head of a walker. Katelyn flinched, Nicky gasped and Andrew’s attention was finally gained. 

He glanced back at Allison and then the walker. It appeared entirely unperturbed, cocking its head in their direction. 

“See?” Allison spread her arms. “Dead, dead, _dead_ —” She emphasized this by rearing back and tossing another rock. This time, it didn’t hit a walker. The window exploded, sending a shower of glass down to the sidewalk below.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Kevin snapped.

In the same moment, Andrew said, “ _Oh_ , this’ll be fun.”

Walkers poured from the building, doubling the initial six almost immediately. Kevin made a show of loading his crossbow and Andrew sunk his hands deeper into his pockets. Neil caught the tailend of a meaningful look Renee had shot Allison. Then she slammed her hand against the side of a building, effectively opening her weapon. Allison shrank back, searching the ground around them. Neil realized that she didn’t have a weapon.

“Alright. Now what, genius?” Aaron grunted, finally releasing Katelyn to grab Nicky by the straps of his backpack. Nicky was still, his eyes on the smashed window. Aaron spun him, retrieving a baseball bat and rifling further. 

“What the hell is this?” Aaron asked, pulling out a metal device, a little bigger than his hand. Neil thought it must’ve been a cart part. Nobody offered Aaron an answer, most were scrabbling for their own weapons. He put it back and kept searching for what he was looking for. Aaron caught Nicky’s forearm and placed the weapon into his hand. “ _Hey_. Look at me, don’t be stupid.” 

Nicky took it and loaded it, a gun. “Don’t be angry,” he countered.

“Do I look angry?” He adjusted his grip on the bat and started towards the group that had begun migrating towards them. Renee and Kevin were hot on his trail, he was the first to swing. A solid hit to a walker’s head, it hit the ground and he followed through, slamming it once more to make sure the job was done. 

Renee was next, pressing her staff to its chest and shoving. It faltered backwards one step, then two. In the time it took the thing to bring its arm upward she’d already sliced sideways with enough force to slash it in the head. She went for the next one. Neil felt his mouth pop open and Allison finally found a weapon. In the end, she’d settled for a rock. 

Allison tossed herself easily into the fight, maneuvering to the centre of the action. Renee knocked them off their feet, Allison made sure they were dead. Neil was caught as he watched the way they fought together, predicting the other’s moves. It was so natural.

Kevin stuck close to Aaron, not quite as tangled as Renee and Allison had found themselves, but a duo nonetheless. Aaron’s swing was vicious and he cracked skulls left and right. Kevin’s approach was more relaxed, he would pause to reload his crossbow and cautiously take stock of his own surroundings, then Aaron’s. 

At his side, Andrew snapped. Neil wasn’t sure when he had gotten so close, he cleared his throat and came back to the moment. “What?”

“I said, let’s go.”

“I’m not leaving Aaron,” said Katelyn

“Neither am I.” Andrew whistled and Kevin threw up his hand in acknowledgment. “We need an exit,” Andrew said. He flicked a look in Neil’s direction and grabbed Nicky by the collar, dragging him. “Judging by the look on your face, I’d say you haven’t thought that one through. Have you, little rabbit?”

—

Andrew broke into a light jog, releasing Nicky from his grasp. He had never liked running, not even as a kid. Andrew tried, in that moment, to think of something he had. 

Ice cream. Fuck, he missed ice cream. 

“I’m guessing you have a plan, then?” Neil asked.

“What gave it away?” Andrew called over his shoulder. He weaved, ducking into an alleyway. Andrew knew this city inside-out, not that he could help it. From where they were standing he knew there were only three surefire ways out of it. Where the cars were, or the closer option. But it wasn’t an option, they weren’t making it out of here on foot. The last time they’d tried that hadn’t gone too well. 

It wouldn’t happen again, he wouldn’t _let_ it happen again. 

“Andrew, this is a dead end.” Nicky panted as they neared the towering chain link fence. It easily doubled Andrew’s height but he’d climbed higher in a pinch.

“Stop whining.” Andrew grunted, getting a running start. He powered himself up the fence. 

_Don’t think_ , he told himself, _just climb_. 

Andrew was afraid of heights, he always had been, but juvenile fear wasn’t going to prevent him from surviving the goddamn zombie apocalypse. When he reached the top he swung his leg over, balancing there. His vision focused, his stomach swooped. “What are you waiting for?” 

Nicky huffed and stuffed the gun back into his backpack. He crouched and cupped his hands, nodding at Katelyn. “Come on, you first.”

“What?” She balked, Neil shrugged her hand off of him and pushed her forward. 

Interesting, Andrew thought, watching him. Neil gave him somewhere to put his mind, at the very least. Andrew watched his eyes cut up and down the lane, he wasn’t sure what Neil was looking for, maybe he wasn’t looking for anything at all. Andrew clicked his tongue and Neil’s blue eyes snapped to his. 

He knew he didn’t necessarily still have to be sitting on top of the chain link fence, still he remained. It shook against Nicky’s weight as he leant against it. While Katelyn continued arguing with him over the order in which they were climbing, Neil huffed impatiently then climbed up it himself. Andrew’s hands went immediately to the fence to steady himself, locking his fingers through the metal. Neil climbed deftly and swung his leg over, too. Unlike Andrew, he began his descent almost immediately. Apparently, that was all the encouragement Katelyn needed because after his feet touched the ground, she let Nicky hoist her up. 

With his feet back firmly on the pavement, Andrew led the three out of the alley and towards the cars. It was almost difficult, turning left, away from the easy escape. The four of them stuck to the walls until the forest they’d come from was in view, along with the cars. Katelyn began to try handles and Nicky crouched, once again retrieving the gun from his backpack. Andrew felt he’d done enough, he feigned scanning their perimeter, his eyes landed on Neil. 

He watched him with practiced indifference, the way he moved, slow and calculated. Andrew didn’t believe his act, not even a little bit. He didn’t believe the way he hung back, the way he waited for the next move to be suggested by somebody else. This, all of this had been his plan. That sent a small thrill up Andrew’s spine, he tugged his jacket closer. It would be so easy for him to betray them, Andrew knew that, still he simply watched.

Neil pressed his dirty palms to the passenger side window of a grey pickup. He’d had to climb up onto the running board to get a good look inside. He didn’t startle when a roamer lifted it’s head, bumping up against the glass, just a breath away from him. He tapped his fingers against the window, watching as it followed the sounds. Neil turned his head, rearing back before he smashed through the glass with his elbow. Andrew tore his eyes from Neil, only to find his cousin staring back at him.

“Shut up,” Andrew growled.

“I didn’t say anything!” Nicky spread his hands in surrender. “Hey,” he directed at Neil. He looked both ways then loped over to him. Nicky didn’t have to get up onto the running board to see inside. “Are you going to sit there making goo-goo eyes at your new girlfriend all afternoon, or can we get this show rolling?” 

“I’m not—” Neil protested.

“Well, I don’t know how to hotwire a car.” Katelyn interrupted with a huff. She gave up, leaning against a red Honda. 

“Oh!” Nicky grinned, “good eye, man.” Neil flinched as Nicky’s hand came down on his shoulder, and Andrew pretended not to notice.

—

Nicky did the killing, though Neil thought he wasn’t too happy about it. His face changed drastically, Neil didn’t think this new look suited him very well. It was hard and cold, and though Neil had known him for less than 24 hours, he could just _tell_. Nicky had given him a moment to take a few steps back before taking the shot, it echoed through the empty city block.

The car keys were still in the ignition, impossibly. Andrew made his way over then, he shoved the walker out of the truck. Its body landed in a heap on the asphalt and Neil watched Katelyn shudder then cross herself. It was strange, he hadn’t seen her do that in the longest time.

She looked... _alive_.

The truck thundered to life beneath Andrew’s feet, Neil tried not to look too closely at the smile that curved his lips. It changed his features entirely and he was unsure if it was a good, or a bad thing. They checked the backseat and the bed of the truck but there was nothing else there. No supplies, no bodies. The former less likely than the latter. 

Just as Andrew had recklessly removed the truck from between two other cars, the others made their way around the block. Katelyn moved thoughtlessly back to Aaron’s side. They were all bloody messes. Renee tossed her head back, attempting to flick the hair from her face without using her soiled hands. Allison’s own were caked with dried blood, she extended one to Nicky who offered her the backpack. She dug through it and tossed a rag at Renee before retrieving the car part once again.

“Sorry about that,” Allison said but Neil didn’t think she was really sorry. Renee passed the rag to Kevin who crouched and began to wipe his crossbow down with practiced care. 

“What is that, anyway?” Katelyn asked, smudging a spot of missed blood off Aaron’s cheek, Neil watched his eyes soften. He imagined Andrew’s expression shifting in the same way, the creases between his brows fading, the tense set to his shoulders relaxing. He couldn’t picture it. 

“A distributor,” Allison said, she tested the weight of the part in her hand. “Hopefully now Seth can get that hunk of metal moving.”

“If not, we risked our lives for nothing.” Renee said, taking the rag back from Kevin and folding it carefully.

“Not nothing if you made friends along the way,” Nicky provided with a smirk. He clicked the safety back in place then climbed into the truck. He settled against the leather seats and let out a long sigh.

Kevin poked his head in after Nicky, taking in the backseat. “Andrew, there’s no way we’re all fitting in this thing.”

“Then squish,” he said.

By real world standards, they certainly didn’t all fit. Andrew, Kevin, Nicky, and Neil sat shoulder-to-shoulder on the truck’s front bench. Behind them were Allison, Renee, Aaron and Katelyn. They had to get cozy back there, but Neil didn’t think any of them were going to start complaining. All of the windows were rolled down due to his, Katelyn and Kevin’s stench. Neil gulped down lungfuls of fresh air, he couldn’t remember the last time they had moved so quickly.

It felt surreal, to be back in a car. It felt surreal, to feel this way _about_ a car. 

From behind him, Katelyn worked her hand between Neil’s seat and the door. She rested her hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. He met her gaze in the side mirror and she smiled. 

Beside her, Aaron shifted bringing Katelyn’s attention back to himself and off of Neil. “Where did you say you guys met again?”

Neil rolled his eyes, sure Aaron would catch the expression from his vantage point. “She didn’t.” 

“Kate,” Aaron persisted.

“I don’t really want to talk about it,” she replied, her voice sounded far away. Neil said her name until she met his eyes once again. 

“You don’t have to,” he told her.

“You don’t _get_ to make that decision,” Aaron argued. 

“Oh,” Kevin groaned from between Andrew and Nicky. “Would you knock it off, already? She’s here, she’s safe. Isn’t that what matters?”

“Shut the fuck up, Kevin.” Aaron knocked his hand into the backside of Kevin’s head. Neil watched a silent exchange between Kevin and Andrew. But besides the small quirk in his eyebrow, Andrew’s expression remained unchanged.

“Guys, really?” Nicky squeaked. 

“Take that fragile masculinity elsewhere,” Allison said as Renee tugged her closer and away from Aaron. 

“This is between Katelyn and I—”

“So, maybe wait until you two are alone then,” Neil snapped, the car's contents were silent for a few beats. They clearly hadn’t expected the bite of his tone but he couldn't find it in himself to regret it. 

“Who even are you, Neil? You know Kevin, what does that matter? You have no place here.”

Andrew butt in then with a cool, “that isn’t yours to decide.”

“Fuck this,” Aaron growled. “You disappear for months and then you turn up with—with—”

“He saved me,” Katelyn said abruptly. Neil despised the emotion in her voice, he hadn’t saved anybody. 

—

Seth enjoyed the silence, he really did. Before, he hadn’t gotten much of it, apart from when he was outside. He’d come from a large family, a loud family. Maybe that was what attracted him to Allison.

He was the fourth of seven sons, and they hadn’t ever let him forget that. His parents fought, but whose didn’t? When things got to be a little _too_ much, he would go outside. He remembered days from his childhood spent only staring up at the sky. There was an old oak tree, walking distance from the house, and no matter the time of day he would go and lay beneath it. Seth just liked to look _up_. Back then, he was content to call them whatever name he could think of in his head.

He’d use the fat, sturdy roots to pillow his head. At school, he’d learn they were white oaks. The differences were glaring now, red oaks had red leaves. But it wasn’t just that. White oaks, like the one he’d lay under, had rounded leaves. His professors had called them lobed, leaves with lobes were distinct. Either rounded or pointed didn’t matter, it was still considered a lobe. White oaks had seven to nine, if he was remembering correctly. Bright green faces with faded undersides. The acorns were different too, paler, greener. 

It was the stillness most of all. The quiet. It hushed him until they matched.

His father left when he was still young, he’d been named after him. Seth hadn’t gone by that name since. Seth was raised in Alabama, Seth was raised under the hood of a car. He’d gotten out of there as fast as he could. 

The rest didn’t matter, the rest was the here and the now. Now, they were in Georgia. Did places even have names anymore? They had white oaks here, too. 

He lowered the radio at his side, Renee and Allison had been gone for three days and Seth would be lying if he said he wasn’t worried. He wasn’t a liar, and he _was_ worried. The latter would probably be easier to swallow, for most people. There was a part of him, albeit _tiny_ , that thought maybe it had been the last straw. He knew he could be abrasive, callous even. Before they’d left, he and Allison had fought. But they were always fighting, weren’t they?

Before, that hadn’t mattered. 

He bent to pick up a leaf, eight rounded lobes. He looked up.

Before, he would have just gone to his dorm, or the gym or class and when they saw each other again it wouldn’t matter. 

Now, there was no certainty. 

Now, it mattered. 

Seth couldn’t remember the last thing he’d said to Allison, probably something abrasive, maybe callous, even. He spun the leaf between his thumb and forefinger but dropped it as he heard a car approaching. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seth! Seth! Seth! He deserved more, he's gonna like, get it


	5. and the life i've lived is only dust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's BACK
> 
> Chapter title from Lord Huron's "Secret of Life".

Andrew was over _reunions_. There wasn’t anything satisfying about them, or relieving. All they did was add on another person to worry about. And there was enough shit to worry about as it were. The _semi-permanent camp_ , as Renee had called it, was more like a broken down RV and a path that led down to a quarry. Actually, that was exactly what it was. 

When they’d arrived, Allison had peeled out of the truck and tackled some burly guy Andrew assumed was Seth. He knew it was the apocalypse, but would it kill these people to shave once in a while? When Andrew got out of the truck, he was surprised to see Neil sidle himself up next to him. It meant nothing, obviously, but it was interesting nonetheless. 

Andrew hadn’t ever been the person that people actively sought out, the person that people actively wanted to _stand_ beside. He felt his own expression change and brought his knuckles swiftly to his lips, smearing the smirk. The wind outside of the city was bitter, the trees did nothing against it. In the city, with the buildings bracketing them in from every angle, it was hard to tell what sort of day it was. It was late summer, that much was obvious as the sun began its descent. He tugged his jacket closer to his chest, it would be night soon and he wasn’t certain he wanted to still be here when it came. 

Seth started a fire and Renee showed them to the tents. As much as Andrew knew he could have argued, the dip in his cousin’s shoulders said it all. They would be staying the night. 

As it turned out, they had lots of extra tents, but Andrew wouldn’t be staying in any of those. While the others gathered around the fire, Andrew went back to the truck. He cranked the seat backwards, locked the doors, and tried to get some sleep. 

—

The morning came without incident. Neil had been stirred alert a few times during the night by hushed voices in the tents around him. But for the most part, Neil felt well-rested. When he crawled out of the small, two-person tent he so readily claimed for himself, he found Nicky and Allison already up. They were crouched by the fire and Nicky threw his head back in laughter before seeing Neil.

“Hey sleepyhead!” He called, Neil thought it was unfair. He was at least one of the first few people up. As he walked closer, he saw Renee was there too, pressed to Allison’s side. She was squinting down at a pair of pants in her lap, sewing up a hole in the knee.

“How’d you sleep, Neil?” She didn’t look up.

Neil grunted, he found it hard to reconcile this drowsy version of Renee with the one he’d seen fighting mere hours earlier. He was intrigued by all of them, really. The way they could be so many things at once. Friends, lovers, enemies, fighters. It made him a little dizzy.

“We were headed down to the quarry to wash up, if you want to come.” Renee finally tipped her head back to meet his eyes.

“Seth won’t be up for hours,” Allison said, dumping whatever was in her tin cup over the fire to put it out.

“I can imagine Kate and Aaron have some catching up to do as well,” Nicky snickered and Allison elbowed him but joined in just the same. One would think they’d known each other for years and not days. Neil supposed that was what happened these days, though. You save someone’s life once then suddenly, you’re stuck with them for the rest of it.

Renee held the pants up to the sun, stretching the fabric until she was sure the stitch would hold. “There we go,” she passed them back to Allison. Neil caught the small look they shared and was thrown back into the fight from yesterday. The way they moved together, seamless, entwined. Something just wasn’t lining up in his head.

“Hopefully they’ll be good enough for Janie, this time.” Allison scoffed and dropped them down with a pile of clothes.

“Janie?” Neil asked, following the girls and Nicky down to the quarry. 

“We found her a couple weeks ago,” Renee called from the front of the line. “She mostly keeps to herself.”

“Yeah,” Allison snorted, slipping on a few rocks. “Because she’s like, _weird_.” It was a slightly steep descent, Nicky kicked rocks loose as he trekked down sideways. 

“How’d you guys find this place?” Nicky’s voice echoed, ringing out against the pale rocks. 

“We were trying to avoid main roads,” Allison explained, tossing down the washboard and tub she’d been carrying. “Weaving our way through backroads when the RV quite literally blew up in our faces.”

Renee swatted at her and plunked down on the rocks beside her. “You mean figuratively.”

“No,” Allison giggled. “I mean one minute we were driving and the next minute smoke is just billowing out from the hood. I mean _billowing_ , and then it won’t turn on.” She looked at Neil, “literally blew up.”

Neil went to smile but aborted, then helped Renee fill the tub with water and drag it back onto the rocks. “That’s why you needed the distributor?” 

“Yes,” she said. “Hopefully Seth can finally fix the hunk of junk and we can get out of here.”

“It’s sort of a nice place though, don’t you think?” Nicky asked, glancing around the deep quarry. 

It _was_ nice, Neil thought, strange though. He let his eyes wander the long way up, the sides of the quarry were starting to develop moss. Small, yellow and orange flowers stuck precariously out of it. On the far side, the wall existed in steps. Like a staircase, all perfectly levelled but massive. They reminded Neil of the motels he would stay in with his mother. Some of them had pools with steps leading in just like that. It was like a pool for a giant. He shuddered.

“It’s a lot nicer than some of the places we’ve been in this godforsaken state,” Nicky continued then glanced at the cross on Renee’s neck. He laughed awkwardly. “Sorry.”

Renee smiled, gentle somehow. “We’ve certainly seen a lot worse. We lucked out with this place, that’s for sure.” She dropped a few shirts into the tub and used her hand to submerge them. The action forced bubbles to the surface and ripped intrusive goosebumps up Neil’s arms. 

“Where were you guys headed?” He asked, tossing a rock into the quarry. It breached the surface with a _plunk_.

“We were road tripping, actually.” Allison said, “Seth got it into his head that we just _needed_ to see Campbell’s Covered Bridge up in Greenville County.” Renee afforded the shirts a few drops of the washing detergent. “ _Campbell’s Bridge_ .” Allison mocked in a voice much too high pitched to resemble Seth’s, “ _erected in 1909 by Charles Irwin Willis_ —”

“ _Restored not once, guys, but_ twice _in 1964, then again in 1990_.” Renee laughed along with her.

“Wait, wait.” Nicky shifted on the rocks, “you three were together from the beginning?”

Renee hummed, “Allison and I were roommates.” Neil watched as she swished her hand around in the water. It was an easy, peaceful gesture that somehow relaxed him in a way no words ever could. He followed her small, tanned hand through the soapy water. She popped a few bubbles with lazy fingers, then took to scrubbing the clothes.

“We were on our way back,” Allison explained. “We’d spent the day arguing, well,” she laughed and bumped shoulders with Renee. “Seth and I had been fighting.”

“I had been minding my own business.”

“You and those headphones!” Allison agreed. “It was so weird at first, not seeing you bright orange strapped to your skull at all times.” She reached out, tucking a strand of pink hair behind her ear. Neil looked away. 

“I wore them for a while,” Renee reminded her with a wry smile. “They’re probably still in the trailer, somewhere.”

“Maybe you should break them out,” Allison’s voice dropped to a whisper and Neil felt Nicky’s gaze on his face. “For old times sake.”

Renee scoffed softly, “you’d like that.”

“I would,” she nodded and Nicky cleared his throat. The two girls checked back into reality, Neil thought for a moment, it might’ve just been the two of them versus the universe. Renee stood, scooping the shirts from the basket, her face was bright red.

“What about you, Nicky?” Allison kept her eyes to the rocks, turning over a smooth, oval one in her hand. Nicky’s mouth twisted, Neil thought it was obvious that he was trying to hide his smile. 

“We went to a college not too far from here. No big story,” he shrugged. “Just a family trying to survive.” Nicky fidgeted with a loose string on his sweatshirt. Neil could tell he was lying and it set off every alarm that existed in his head. What was the point in lying now? What was there to gain?

“Neil?” Allison stuffed more clothes into the container while Renee wrung the clean ones a few feet away. Water trickled from the shirts and down Renee’s bare arms, it wasn’t hard to pick up on the old, pink scars that littered them. Neil glanced upwards and out of the quarry, he wondered if Kate was awake by now. 

“How were you separated?” He asked, instead of responding. “You said there were lots of walkers.” It was hypocritical, of course, for Neil to feel suspicious about Nicky then do the same thing. 

“Who knows?” Nicky shook his head. “It was crazy. The city was practically empty and then _bam_ , roamers everywhere.” 

“Bam?” Neil asked.

“Yeah, it was like a bomb went off,” Allison said.

Renee nodded, “a silent bomb that destroyed virtually nothing. It was like we were being lured, hunted, maybe.” She grimaced and laid the shirts out onto the rocks to dry. 

“Herded like fucking cattle,” Nicky agreed. The four of them looked up when they heard the telltale sounds of rocks sliding this way and that. They heard Kevin before they saw him, swearing up a storm on his way down. “Need a hand, Kev?” Nicky cooed and received the finger in response.

“What I _need_ is a good fucking sleep,” he said pleasantly when he was in view. Neil could see now that Andrew had trailed behind him, noiseless and graceful, like a shadow. “What’s going on down here?”

“Just talking about before. Favourite candy, go.”

Kevin hummed and plunked down on the rocks beside Neil. “Strawberries,” he said. “God, I miss fresh fruit.”

“ _Boring_ ,” Nicky chastised. “Andrew, go.”

Kevin scoffed. “He’s going to say something stupid, like candy corn or Jolly Ranchers.”

“Oh!” Renee spoke up, “the blue ones.”

Allison shook her head, “pink Starbursts, or no dice.” She grinned when Kevin made a face.

“Jawbreakers,” Andrew said, sounding utterly uninterested in the conversation.

“ _Angsty_ , how predictable.” Nicky narrowly avoided an elbow to the jugular. He hopped up, jogging through the rocks to put distance between him and his cousin. “I have to go with Knoppers, no questions asked.”

“ _Knoppers_?” Allison laughed, standing to wring out more t-shirts. 

“They’re German and they’re literally to die for.” Nicky explained, “Picture chocolatey, hazelnutty, wafer-y heaven in your mouth.” 

“You’remaking my mouth water,” Allison huffs.

“You’ve been to Germany?” Neil asked, though he wasn’t sure where the burst of interest came from. It had been a long time since Neil had thought about travelling on anything but foot. Suddenly, years of it flooded back. His mother’s iron grip on his arm, the names, _his_ names. 

Nicky nodded, “I studied in Germany for a year. Left my heart there, too.” His sigh was melancholy, practically begging someone to ask for more information.

“Wasn’t the only thing he left,” Kevin muttered.

“Is that a sex joke?” Allison said and Nicky snorted with glee.

“What? _No_ ,” Kevin stammered. “I meant his brain. Obviously.”

“Obviously,” Allison repeated, dripping with sarcasm. A crashing in the rocks alerted them to more people making their way down the quarry. The sun was almost above them now, it did wonders for the drying clothes. Renee pressed her palm to a particularly dirty white t-shirt then flipped it over. 

“Babe,” Seth called. “Smalls is back. So, come eat, or whatever.” Beside Allison, Neil’s stomach growled.

“ _Wow_ ,” she yelled back, “turning over a new leaf?”

“Something like that,” Neil heard him mutter. The rocks around them were perfect for amplifying every little word. The six of them left the clothes to dry longer and made their way back up to the camp. Neil was surprised to see a number of things cooking.

Well, maybe cooking was generous. Aaron and Katelyn sat by the fire, a few strips of bacon hung over a branch. Neil heard a few gasps at the sight, he never thought he would live to see the day _bacon_ became a delicacy. Still, _still_. His stomach gurgled impatiently. He had to admit that it looked absolutely delicious.

When he approached, Katelyn looked up and offered him a small smile. It was nice to see. Both her face and the smile. Next to them sat a peculiarly dirty looking girl, she glanced up, surveying the approaching group. Apparently, nobody was intriguing enough to keep her interest though, so she quickly went back to sharpening her blade. Neil thought she must have been Janie. She was muscular and tanned and absolutely covered in blood. He wondered why the others thought she was weird.

“We’ve got your clothes drying on the rocks, whenever you’re ready.” Renee told her softly.

Andrew fell in step beside him, Neil noticed the dark bags under his eyes. He must not have slept at all the night prior. Not that he could picture him ever relaxing anyway, it was the way his shoulders were wound so tightly, tense and spoiling for a fight. Neil understood it probably a little more than he wanted to admit. 

Neil nodded in greeting instead of using words. If Andrew caught the gesture, he had decided not to acknowledge it. Instead, he took out a tattered box of cigarettes and toyed with it. Neil thought it was a little funny, he peered into the box. There were six left, but one of them had clearly been lit and rubbed out a few times.

“Don’t get any ideas,” Andrew said from beside him. He closed the package and stuffed it back into his pocket.

“I wouldn’t have taken one,” Neil was quick to explain himself.

“I wouldn’t have let you.” Andrew bit back.

“The smell,” he continued, unsure if Andrew was even still listening. “It reminds me of my mother.”

Andrew’s attention was captured, “good or bad?”

“Is there any such thing?” 

Andrew levelled him with a cool, golden stare. It was an oxymoron, sure, but Neil was beginning to think that maybe Andrew was exactly that, a _contradiction_. He had seen Andrew’s reactions, they were calculated, almost enough to make you think he really cared. The way his eyes occasionally darted, a head count. The way he immediately and effortlessly jumped into action forming an escape route. The way he hadn’t killed Neil without hesitation.

“Answer the question,” he said at length, but Neil didn’t feel like it. When offered, he took a strip of bacon, tore it in half and offered it to Andrew. It looked like he wasn’t going to take it, but after a moment, he did.

There was a density to the trees that surrounded their campsite. They were in a valley, mountain range on each side, closing them in. It was silent, but that wasn’t too uncommon for the world, now. It was a wonder, Neil thought, the way things changed. But more than that, the _weight_ of how they had. He still wasn’t sure how long it had been since the beginning, but in the time that it took for humankind to split into tiny pieces, the earth hadn’t changed a bit. There was still that hum, the deafening sound of silence, Neil knew it well. 

In the wind, the trees sounded like the ocean. A _shh_ , wave-like cacophony that made Neil feel a little more than seasick. He tried not to think about it. Instead, he ate the bacon, then watched Andrew eat his. The others chattered around them, but all he could think about, was getting out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the sweet comments, I love reading them! Also, thanks for your patience. :) <3


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